To choose or not to choose, that is the question.


This blog tries a new start… In English… Here we go. Remember the last post, where I listed why I wanted to blog… Well I didn’t blog very much since that one, but blogging stayed in a corner of my mind. So this blog will stay, I will sometimes imports all the posts from the other one to keep only one address but keep the content. And I hope to continue to share what I can. No specific theme for this blog, just some journaling, and maybe someday some posts with more documentation. Please comment, please share with whom might be interested.This will make it worth it.

So the theme of the day is how do I choose my professional pathway (and in fact, kinda my whole life pathway).

It’s been a while I am reading about permaculture. This way of life, this philosophy, first applied to garden and landscape designing, is now applied to social systems, to economy… But I never could apply it in my life. Last Summer, we had to move. Now we are house owners, in Waco, TX. And permaculture came back. And the question of becoming a homesteading stay at home mom came back. And there I have been the last couple of month, hesitating between homesteading and become a doctor again…

By the way I took the USMLE step 1 exam in december and passed it very well with a score of 242 (let’s brag a bit).

So I did a 2 columns table with different parts of life, trying to compare the 2 options. Here is how it goes:


Finding my community

My children



Connexion to nature

Permaculture philosophy

School for the children



Easy to serve as a doctor

I am their model, I show my passion, my efforts. Meanwhile I get a « pause » from them.

Hard to put in a very full planning.

Practicing a doctor should give us a good income

Becomes part of self-care, maybe having walks in the forrest.

I could learn herbalism. I could initiate the thinking about our healthcare system.

Public school is most often fine. If we get a good income, we might choose some kind of specific private school. Right now they would continue going to their preschool where they seem happy and where I become more involved.

I plan for it by saving. And if I want to homestead when older, the transition is easier than the other way.


Harder to find, but it would be a more like-minded community.

I can stay all the time with them, I can show them nature and things in French more easily. But my son wants trains, and I am not good at trains…

Hard to give myself permission.

More fluctuating and insecure, there are ways to make an income while homesteading.

It is more easy to do.

Permaculture has been designed for home and gardens.

I could homeschool my kids and they could learn cool stuff in French.

With few income, I really need to be imaginative on how to sustain me during the older days. And I won’t go back to medicine at that point.

I also tried, after reading Brené Brown’s book « Dare to lead », to find my 2 core values. I’m not 100% sure about them, but it would be caring, integrity, mabye belonging and loyalty. At the end they stand for both options, so it didn’t help me in that decision.

My dear husband asked my what was my passion during my medical school. It still is understading complicated system, all the human relationships. Again these are true in both options.

I finally listen to Clothilde Dussoulier’s podcast « Change ma vie  » (Change my life) especially the episode about decision taking. At some point she explains that the worst you can do is to seem to make a decision, and keep coming back on it saying « what if … » That is exactly what I am doing. What if I began earlier. What if I decide to homestead but want to change. What if….

That table is very precious to me. It is what I am going to turn back to in a couple of months when studying for that Step 2 will drive me crazy. It is a matter of patience before I can practice medicine the way I want. But it can’t keep me to begin thinking the whole thing with my values, the principle of permaculture.

In conclusion, I am continuing to study to become a doctor. There will be sacrifices from everybody, but I hope it will be worth it. This school year I am taking my time, keeping step 2 CS for later. I decided to get involved in my children’s preschool (which happens to be in my church as well), and I will probably share more about this on next posts.